"Humans are sentenced to freedom" - Sartre said so. We are chosen every day. We are chosen for the freedom to choose. As if breathing, I process the material today too. Is this work, pleasure, escape, or perhaps an extension of the revelation God gave me? No one knows. I don't know either. It is said that reason and erection are born from the same brain. If that's the case, who can blame this tormented state of mind? What appears before my eyes is a perfect body. Regular procedures, unhesitating acts, the irresistible silence of women. The old man's aesthetic eye has now reached the level of art. I hated it. But before I knew it, I was worshiping it. It is said that contempt is the reverse of admiration, and that is exactly it. I am reacting with my whole body to the material of the man I thought was "the worst." It's as if my body forgave him before my soul did. 'Rightness' died a long time ago within me. The voice of my father, who said, "Don't lie," still remains in my eardrums. But Dad, I don't want money. I want to 'see' it. The 'immoral material' right in front of me. With all my might. If that's a sin, I'm already being punished. Every night, alone. By being involved in this industry, my credibility has crumbled like a sandcastle. If it gets out to the world, "Die" will be sprayed on my door, I'll be turned away at the convenience store register, and the matching app notifications will fall silent forever. But even so, I'm uploading it today. The material, no, my soul. This act is now a ritual of self-destruction and an offering for rebirth. The women were surprisingly well-proportioned. The lines of their backs, the angles of their legs, the contours of their faces. I stare intently at how those are being broken. And then, I gasp. Beauty resides in destruction. The old man knows that. Why do people get excited about such videos? No, who decided that we shouldn't get excited? Is it the law? Ethics? Or 'common sense'? "Common sense is nothing more than a pile of prejudices accumulated by the age of 18" - Einstein said so too. Today, too, while drowning in a sea of prejudice, I will deliver this 'ethically the worst, sexually the best video' to you. So, please. I don't want you to spread it too much. But if possible, I want you to watch it more than anyone else. This contradiction is my 'honesty'.
